Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Life-Dance Post

Well I have been somewhat remiss about this part of my blog experiment. I have a few posts in progress but I can’t seem to finish any of them. Today is my Death Day Eve preceding my annual Vision Dance (see posts from a year or so ago) though, and since I traditionally do some kind of check-in, as well as a life-dance party and life-dance walk on the day before my death day, I thought I would do my check-in online.

Individual: A Living-Friendship beckons from England (I hope). Maybe we have a rendezvous, a Life-Dance date. It is challenging; we are very different in many ways; we haven't met in person; we correspond and plan to meet. There is love, (some kind of love) and very much affection. She has read my blogs; I don't think there is much in the way of big secrets between us. It seems fortuitous as I have just given myself a refresher course of the practice of Taoist Sacred Sexuality (I intend to post something about my ups and downs with this soon) and she is game for this kind of thing; She seems game for the whole adventure of these blogs describe and point to. Amazing. We will see. I am not being so credulous about it as I sound but at a certain point, I would be willing to take the chance. Even if it's not too good to me true, it will certainly be a real (possibly even harrowing) adventure. Heroic just to think about it really (comic-heroic—which is good) considering the odds that are against us. Listening.

As I said, Vision Dance tomorrow. We’ve been having lovely weather and I am looking forward to it. Besides the DVD’s about healing love, I have been collecting and practicing from lot of Mantak Chia Taoist chi gung DVDS. They are very helpful.

Neighbor: A week or so ago, at a community meeting called "What are we doing Here", I felt moved to question whether we have the right to be here at all. I mentioned the Monacan Indians who originally lived on this land, some 1400 of whom still "live" near Lynchburg Virginia. I conjectured out loud how, from their point of view the history of this land would be a story in which one bunch of arrogant white people chased them from their land, taking the land for themselves and making up a bunch of (mostly self serving) rules, and then much later, another bunch of arrogant white people, (more or less piggy backing on the violence, theft, and systems of coercion of the 1st group) claimed the land (with just as little Right) and made up a different set of mostly self-serving rules (this latter group being the founders and most of the subsequent members of Twin Oaks). At no point did anyone call the original inhabitants back to ask them anything about anything even though they, (more because they lived more lightly and wisely on the land than because they were here first) have more of a right to be here than anyone who has lived here since.

I suppose I was bordering on Factional Identity politics (my inner Malcolm might have surfaced a little), but factional identity was involved in the whole thing anyway by implication (us "Twin Oakers", vs. the world) and it seemed to me that even in those kind of terms, we were not thinking very clearly.  I actually wanted to add outright, rather then just imply, that, unless might is right, (in which case rapists have the right to rape their victims, child abusers has the right to abuse etc...) we really have no right be here.  Certainly a "might is right" justification for our being here would be more than a little problematic for a non-violent community to hold, even if it wasn't obviously bullshit any other point of view as well. Of course once objecting voices are forcibly excluded by the membership process (or just ignored if, as in my case, one happens to get pass that) it is relatively easy to come up with a bunch of rationalizations, justifications, and excuses for our being here--even to the point of smug complacency-- which, though essentially fallacious, are certainly not going to be challenged by most of the members of the very in-group that benefits (or rather; that thinks it benefits) from the very status quo in question. All so called power is like that and can almost be defined by the ability to not have to listen to or respect, or come to any kind of terms of mutuality with, someone else (whether they be indigenous people, the poor, or any other group) usually because they are being forcibly excluded (whether directly or indirectly) from any conversation that matters.

I suppose the remarks I did make were probably inspired by my feeling about "our" (in my opinion basically irresponsible) decision to expand our Tofu Business when, among other equally important things, we don't even take enough care of the waste produced by our present level of production. For many reasons, I think it will we bad for both the land and the culture here even if (and in part even because) it will lead to us making more money (as it probably will).  That issue was probably some part of my motivation for saying what I did, but mostly it was a general and ongoing frustration with what seems peoples determination to make the world safe for there own neuroses, and avoid the challenge of even trying to Twin Oaks to actually live up to even one of the adjectives it uses to describe itself.

Anyway, I don't want to just rant and I really don't (usually) indulge in negative feelings towards people here; they don't suffer from sick culture any more (or less) than the average person, and I know that I am just suffering from my own sick culture when I judge them/us more harshly than anyone else. They/We aren't really "Twin Oakers" anyway, or even people of this or that race, or class (although I am sure most of them would not agree with this--which is part of the problem), just Individual-Persons suffering from sick culture like everybody else. Besides, judging and frowning at people all the time just feels too bad and takes up too much energy for which I have better uses. Its just really sad and lame situation that’s all.

Having said what I did say, I doubt my comments will have any more lasting effect on the course of events here than your average political protest in the world outside of here. I have gotten a few negative looks and even some positive affirmation but I'd be crazy to think it will lead to anything. Still, as long as this is my neighborhood (I am never sure how much longer that will be) it feels good to at least be able to make, even a slightly distorted gesture at the truth of what’s happening in it; It makes me feel more alive being here...listening...support...

Citizen of the World: I have been going into town weekly but since BtTV Closed I haven’t been moved to volunteer for anything and so haven't really been having many interactions with folks, still, things are happening just on the energetic level of dealing with and not succumbing to the pervasive alienation and vanity  of this kind of environment. Now that it's spring I would like to start back doing more formal rather than less formal life-dance parties and Music Liberation Front stuff there. I have also been trying to get Healthy Culture Groups started on MySpace and Tribe.net, but not really very hard. Those groups are pretty much languishing...support. I have already told a little about my encounter and incipient life-dance with the person from England, we seem to be pretty much on the same page as citizens of the world but--I am tying to establish a habit or willingness to express and explore disagreements on this, (and every other) score--even if this threatens to provoke a change, re-assessment and even a reconsideration of what we plan to do together. I think I could to this more tactfully, and considering the great hopes, longing and affection I feel for this person as a Life-Dance partner, it may seem crazy to do it at all, but, the increased willingness to take such risks in the name of an Authentic Living Friendship is one of the only things that make such friendship really alive, and different from the collusive and fear-maintained and relatively stagnant state of affairs usually called a "relationship". I am learning to be less unnecessarily intense, concentrated and blunt about such things though. Listening...

Soul: Still just doing research exploring different religions, finding differences and similarities with the cosmology and ritual of Integral Science. I'm learning a lot but I need to challenge my self to more in this area experientially. It occurs to me to try to correspond with people, perhaps relatively open-minded people in the main religions and also minor ones and in science, (probably best in sequence rather than concurrently! Haven't made a post to an interfaith group in a while...

Family-Member: Nothing really new here except slacking on my part so far as Life-dance Parties go. I intend to do one here after this post because of Death Day and just to see how it feels and if I might want to try some other kind of ritual here) We've had another house meeting here since my last familial post about where I live now but I didn't see fit to go to it, not really knowing what I would say about the state of familial culture here and not wanting to just discuss peripheral things and not central ones. I regret not going a little and  for the next meeting I intend to put Healthy Culture on the list of agenda items and attend  and say...something...support. As for my family of birth, my older sister got in touch with me briefly about sending me something in the mail, but only by e-mail, and I didn't take the opportunity to pursue anything else or deeper online. I still intend to call or write my younger sister and my mom sometime this spring...

Thanks and Welcome

posted by: piankhy | 16:52 | comments